Why is Skyler White such a bitch?

So I’m almost done with Breaking Bad. God, what a show! All the twists and turns and whatnot! Crime! Murder! Meth! Breakfast!

I’m no doctor, but should a kid with serious health issues really be eating that much bacon?

Seriously, what a drama. The adventures of Walter and Co. are as thrilling as they are poignant. This is the tale of a man taking his destiny by the horns. We thrill as Walter sticks it to the man in ways we only dream of. We laugh as he squashes his enemies. We cry when he cries, we triumph as he triumphs. Truly, Breaking Bad is an inspiration to us all.

And then there’s this cunt.

Look at her. Being all cunty.

Seriously, what is Skyler’s deal? All Walter wanted was to start a meth empire built on the bodies of dozens of dead people, some totally innocent, driving his brother-in-law insane and endangering his family in the process. The least you could do is put out.

How could you not be attracted to this man?

Skyler is this show’s only flaw. If Skyler had just backed out of the equation and allowed Walt to continue doing business the way he saw fit, literally nothing bad would have happened to anyone. She’s a monster, totally devoid of human emotion, existing only to wreck Walt’s day. She saunters about each scene with shrill, harpy’s eyes, ready to give Walt shit for his completely innocent backstage shenanigans. Pussy whipped doesn’t even begin to describe it.

Even in the earliest episodes, Skyler’s bitchiness is in full swing. So Walt disappears for days at a time. That’s no excuse to be all bitchy and ask him where he was! So Walt could die at any moment, leaving his bereaved family without adequate means of financial support. You don’t have to force him to take chemo! I still shudder when I remember the scene, with Skyler gleefully strapping Walt into the hospital gurney, bathing him in life-saving radiation and forcing miracle pills down his throat with her long-taloned fingers, cackling madly as she watches him recover against his wishes. Because seriously, what kind of cunt encourages chemo for a cancer-riddled man?

So your aging, dying husband disappeared for a few days with no explanation and comes home exhausted and with a California tan, and you just instantly assume he’s having an affair?

All Walter wanted was to secure his family’s legacy. That’s all. Everything he did, he did for her and the kids. The least she could do would be grateful to him. He’s out there every day, gladhanding with hookers, drug pushers, cartel hitmen, and crooked lawyers, busting his hump to bring home the bacon (seriously, Walter Jr. eats a lot of bacon). So maybe he didn’t consult her first. And maybe he didn’t actually start bringing in any money they could spend. That’s no excuse for her severe lack of gratitude. The same way that my girlfriend owes me a big, fat apology tonight when I go home and tell her I was only at that dog fighting ring in the first place because I wanted to win money for her! Jesus!

Anyway, I haven’t even gotten to the “big thing” yet. You know what I’m talking about. Even if you haven’t seen the show you’ve heard about the “big thing”. Of all the crimes committed on this show, from brutal executions with box cutters and guns to exploding cars and wanton abuse of the justice system, one crime stands head and shoulders above all else.

Skyler White cheated on Walt.

This guy.

Of all the cuntish things this cunt could have cunted, that has to be by far the cuntiest. What kind of stone-hearted, psychotic bitch do you have to be to cheat on your husband, a man who works long hours stealing methylamene barrels from high-security warehouses surrounded by armed police to feed his family? What kind of harlot do you have to be to think it’s okay to sleep with a guy who you aren’t married to?  In what bass-ackwards moral universe could that kind of behavior possibly be justified? It’s not like there’s gray areas in this show, after all!

He did it all for you, you bitch. Everything. Yeah, okay, you didn’t ask him to do any of this, but that doesn’t mean you don’t owe him.

Anyway, it’s not like Walt ever tried anything like

Oh.

Okay, fine, so he attempted to sexually assault his boss. He didn’t actually get laid, Skyler.

Now get back in the kitchen. Walter Jr. needs his bacon fix.

– John

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